Untitled
It’s 2am. I’m sitting here feeling like I want to eat anything and everything but at the same time I am so full. My brain and tummy haven’t been cooperating lately. My appetite has been pretty much non-existent the last few weeks. I eat just for the sake of…maintaining life. And until I started taking shots of NyQuil, I haven’t been sleeping more than 4-5 hours a night. My body is so broken inside.
I feel like I’ve done a whole lot of growing up in the last 2 months. It definitely hasn’t been easy going through this quarter life crisis. I’ve had more than my fair share of rollercoaster emotions and honestly it’s got to stop before I truely go bananas. It’s time for me to pick up the fragments of my life and try to piece it all back together. What I do know is that we cannot dwell on the past. I have new priorities and goals, I have a lot of uncertainty, and I don’t know what is to become, but I’m trying to keep it together.
Big changes are to come…
Realize
Been doin a lot of that lately. Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of downtime to come to a sudden realization…and I’ve had a fair share of downtime recently. I’ve also been dreaming more frequently. That or I’ve just been remembering more of them. Coming from a psychology background, I can probably self-diagnose myself. But part of me would rather tell Freud to shove it. Dreams are dreams, they don’t mean anything right? Or do they on some level?
My mind has been in overdrive. I’ve realized that it is time to focus on myself for the next little while. Like someone said to me, I’ve hit rock bottom so the only way now is up. I hope?
Out of My Youth
So it’s begun. I made the trek back to BC. I’m officially in the other checkbox now. Time to suck it up for a fresh start. Ok maybe not a fresh start - but a “re-do”.
Despite sleeping 3hrs on Fri night and still feeling shitty after stuffing my face with dimsum along with 3 coffees in the span of 5hrs, I enjoyed everything =) 007 was fun and now their entire staff knows I’m out of my youth. Dimsumming was so yums. I lubbed the mango pudding and custard buns. The wine & cheese was AWESOME but sadly it didn’t sit well in my stummy cause I crashed so hard after 2-3 glasses of wine. I just cannot comprehend how I can drink so much 1 night and feel fine the next morning but crash & burn after wine. Why?! But I will take this as further evidence that I am no longer in my youth and drinking 2 nights in a row is detrimental to my precipitating heart as I did feel a feel palps here and there. Yay me.
Thanks so much for everyone who came out to doomsday - I love you guys & gals, and no, not only today. Turning 26 was something I dreaded for a long while but I did have a great time celebrating it with all of you. Thankyou Luke for planning the event while I was busy in Toronto, thankyou Will for crossing countries to be back, thankyou Amrik for your hospitality, thankyou Janet for taking care of me, and thankyou Ann for drinking with me!! And last but not least, a BIG thankyou to my Dave for putting up with me and taking care of me this weekend.
This weekend was a much needed one for me.
Crossroads
It’s the final days left here at home and though I’ve done this multiple times, I feel a sense of uneasiness as Aug.6 approaches. I’ve been home long enough to reaquaint myself with the city and now I have to leave again. All I can say is this feeling sucks to pieces. In the last little while my life has come to a crossroad and my options at either end were both something I went bananas pondering over and over for a few weeks. Verdict: Flight Westjet 681 departing Toronto on Aug.6/09. Is this the right decision? Who the hell knows! But it is what it is. Like Rihanna says, Live Your Life.
This past month has been full of family time and I will always miss being here with the fam. My parents both have cooked me everything that I’ve been craving and missed and I heart them for it =) I enjoyed making Vietnamese spring rolls with my mama, and I especially enjoyed eating them. We also went to Magic Wok as usual and again their food was excellent as always. Yum mango seafood birdsnest!! And as retarded as brothers get, and mine are no exception, I do say my 2 brothers are the best ones out there. Though a day (or maybe a few hours) can’t get by without us calling each other names, it’s been nice hanging with them again. The highlight of the month was ofcourse my aunt’s wedding and that was definitely a night to remember. I’m relieved they liked my wedding gift (I got them custom made figurines of themselves). I’m also glad I came home in time to see my uncle’s new home in Newmarket. Hanging with fam is never a dull moment as we have too many family members to keep us entertained. I’m getting homesick already just thinking of it all.
I won’t deny that I will miss Libs like crazy when I leave. In the month that I’ve been here I’ve already watched her grown so much. Not only has she doubled in weight, she learned how to walk down stairs, and more recently, jump off from the couch/bed. She’s quite a handful sometimes as she’s teething and can’t stop biting and making a few messes here and there in the house. She also likes to hog my pillow, my bed, my suntanning chair, eat my face, and close my msn convo windows while opening up 10 browsers. But when she’s calm, cool, and collective, she’ll melt my precipitating heart when she climbs into my lap and curls up to sleep. I really want a puppy of my own…
As for my galpals, I have nothing much to say except I wish they were all with me wherever I am. It sucks being across the country from girlfriends that I have known for a decade or longer who I can no longer go out to the mall with, eat with, or even talk to without considering the 3 hr time difference. Yes I know 3 hrs doesn’t seem like a whole lot, but when it comes down to it, 3 hrs is still 3hrs.
In the next few days I have to finish cleaning up the rest of my junk that I still have lying around the house. I also need to start packing up again. I have 3 days to do all that plus visit relatives before I leave. Sigh. The struggles of life.
